Aaaaand there it is... that’s my lesson.

Anyone who has any done any amount of self development, reading or continued education will know that lessons are repeated until learned. Identifying and learning those lessons is the incredibly frustrating part and a lesson all of its own.

You know those moments:

• The boss you just can't seem to communicate with - no matter how hard, or how many different ways you try, it's like you're operating in alternate universes and by the end of the meeting you're fantasizing about flipping the table and yelling "I QUIT", but instead, you swallow your pride, smile, and bite your tongue until it bleeds.

• Or maybe its the coworker that again, has repeated your idea as his own while smiling that smug look as your boss and coworkers gush over what a great idea he has presented.

• Maybe you challenge people and for the third time this week you're defending your position of attempted innovation in yet another discussion with a colleague about being disruptive or "difficult".

Whatever the challenge, the best way I can describe the feeling is like being in an episode of Stranger Things and you're in the Upside Down. For those of you who don't have pre-teens in your house, the Upside Down is an alternate dimension in the popular Netflix series where the environment is a mirror of the regular world except it is dark and scary with a few monsters running around. In the case of your lesson in your work environment, your world is essentially a mirror of the regular world - the buildings are the same, the people are the same, the conversation is the same - but you're experiencing it differently than everyone else (and sometimes its also dark and scary with a few monsters running around).

That's when you know you've found your lesson.

So now that you've identified you have a lesson how are you going to work through it? How will you learn what is intended by the lesson so you can stop repeating it and move on?

First, surrender. Accept that this lesson is yours and after you've learned this lesson, a new one will be presented and repeated until you identify and surrender to that one. And then another and another and another forever and ever until you're dead. We never learn everything there is to know, we never become experts in everything, we continue receiving lessons, we continue to grow and develop for the time we have on this planet. It never stops and we never arrive. Let me repeat that...

We never "arrive".

It's a total kick in the teeth and a painful realization that for all the time we spend developing and honing our skills, once we feel mostly confident in something, we're just going to be presented with something else that totally humbles us and shakes us to our core. That is the human condition and it exists in our personal lives, our love lives, and surprise... our work lives too.

But this in itself is another lesson, and that lesson is resilience.

“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.” — William Ellery Channing

Now you've surrendered, and you've resigned yourself to the fact that the lesson repeats until you've learned what you're supposed to learn from it. You've also accepted that the lesson and all that come after it requires you to demonstrate resilience while you build and learn more resilience. Let me repeat that too...

Your lesson requires you to demonstrate resilience while you build and learn more resilience.

Well isn't that fun.

Now it's time to deconstruct the lesson:

• What happened in the moment you found yourself in the Upside Down?

• What tipped you off or triggered your feelings in that moment?

• What stories have you told yourself that lead to your feelings in that moment?

• What are the facts of that interaction? Not the history, not your feelings. Simply the facts.

• How will you reframe that situation and your role in it for next time?

• Phone a friend/colleague and debrief together (call the sensible friend, not the one that will help you hide the bodies). Does your reframe make sense?

Once you've deconstructed, planned it out and talked it through, reward yourself for taking that step. Personally, I like frozen After Eight chocolate, but it's up to you to find a suitable reward. Then, execute your plan next chance you have and reward yourself for that too. Rinse and repeat until that lesson is learned and then buckle up and prepare yourself for something new.