Be the leader you need(ed)

It never ceases to amaze me what some people deal with working with their leaders. Let me give some examples of some very recent situations I've heard recently:

• A leader sends an article to a staff member AFTER a meeting (a meeting that was completely unrelated to the contents of the article) and tells the staff member to think about "where they are" and no further explanation or context. The article starts with a summary explaining how talented employees are marketable and most likely to leave for better opportunities while the least talented employees stay put because they'll have a hard time convincing other employers to hire them, leading the staff member to think the leader is cryptically telling them they are one of the least talented employees.

• Senior Leader gets recommendations from one of their managers regarding a specific project directly related to that manager's main source of expertise. Senior Leader tells the manager they need a second opinion on the validity of those recommendations from another manager who has no experience in that area and no knowledge of the project.

• Leader gives exactly zero feedback to staff members over a multi-year period. No positive or negative feedback. Nothing. Ever.

• New Senior Leader enters the workplace and immediately grills all employees on why they did things the way they did and New Senior Leader proclaims that isn't the way they would have done things.

These are REAL examples. Wild.

How is this a real thing? Well, it could be any number of things. Maybe that leader is dealing with their own career frustrations and disappointments. Or maybe they are so confused, they just need a gut check from a trusted colleague. Perhaps they are emotionally drained, burned out and just struggling to survive. There are so many reasons why people interact poorly, but then again, sometimes people are just assholes.

However, that doesn't mean you need to continue the cycle. Want to break the bad leadership cycle?

BE the leader that YOU need(ed)

Whether you are already a leader, or you hope to be someday, don't wait to be the leader you need or needed. Start today. Treat people the way you want to be treated and put in the work:

1. Self-Reflection - if it's not already a daily practice, add it. Even if it's 15 minutes in the morning, take some time to learn and understand yourself. Figure out your values, your priorities, and your strengths and weaknesses. This doesn't need to be complicated or overwhelming. There are tons of tools out there, pick one that works for you and fits your schedule and headspace. Some options to start from:

   1. Morning pages: when you first wake up, write 2-3 pages in a journal. This is streaming consciousness. It can be jibberish, parts of your dreams you remember, your to-do list, grocery list, observations of the weather, your room around you. Anything. The idea is to clear your brain of all the clutter and cobwebs that collected over the day before and overnight so you can start your day fresh and clear. Looking back, see if there are themes you can collect and tackle. For example, maybe over 3 weeks, you notice that you mention your bratty coworker way too many times. What's that about? Why is that top of mind? How can you start sorting through that?

   2. Confidence Journal: at the end of your work day, write in your journal:

      1. something you did well today using inherent traits or abilities

      2. something that triggered you and why

      3. reframe the trigger and take the emotion/meaning out of it and see it as neutral and objective as possible, or even put a positive spin on it

   3. Daily Journal: with or without prompts, much like the two above, simply writing down your thoughts, observing them and the thoughts and feelings that come up with them will give you a TON of insight. For added insight, keep journaling for an extended period of time and then go back and look for themes that you didn't recognize earlier.

   4. Structured Assessments: These are more often in the form of personality tests assessing strengths, weaknesses, preferences, etc. I've developed a free resource to accompany the 16 Personalities Assessment with discovery questions for exactly this purpose. You can find it on my website with other free resources.

2. Find a Mentor - find a mentor you can learn from. Mentors are vital to leaders in providing support, and advice and to be a sounding board. These people have experience you can learn from, but they also provide kind, honest, and constructive feedback. Don't find a mentor that will just pump your tires, honesty is key here. Good mentors also respect you, themselves, and others - meaning, you won't hear them talking shit about people. Finally, they should be interested and excited to share their experiences with you... you don't want to feel like a drain on their time. There are a ton of mentors out there, find a good fit for you.

3. Ask for Feedback from Colleagues and Reports - if you're already a leader, ask your team for feedback regularly. Not just once a year, include it as part of a regular conversation with your staff and really listen. Seek to understand. If you're not a leader, ask your leader and/or your colleagues for feedback.

4. Continuous Learning - read something developmental every day. 10 minutes is all it takes. Take a course, join webinars, and subscribe to related newsletters. Practice the concepts you've learned and find the right fit for you. Not all advice is legitimate and not all advice fits our unique personalities and strengths. Try some things, adjust your approach, take what works, and leave what doesn't.

As a leader, your main job is to lead. Leading means bringing out the best in people and facilitating their work so they can focus on what they do best and the areas they are experts in. You are responsible for removing barriers, advocating, and ensuring your staff have what they need to be their best and can be their best as a team. Think of yourself as the conductor in an orchestra. You don't make the music, but you help guide the musicians as they make it together.