Conversation Series: Words matter. THINK before you speak.

"I didn't get to choose you."

I had a leader that liked to say this occasionally. Sometimes I heard different variations of it... "I didn't get to hire my own team", "I didn't hire you", or even,

"It was an awkward entrance having you brought on before your direct supervisor and I would have done it differently".

Hm. Okay.

In this case, I was hired and started in my position with the organization before my new manager. This is not unusual in an established organization. Rarely are teams decimated in anticipation of a new leader to pave the way for that leader to "choose their team", so it was interesting to me that the leader felt the need to repeat this regularly.

You can imagine how you might feel or react in that situation, but until you're in it, you don't fully realize the impact those words can have on a person, and in turn, the organization and its culture. That simple statement, as factual as it may be, makes a person feel devalued and diminishes their contribution to the organization. It also eliminates any foundation for trust between the employee and the manager when the employee is now very clear that given the choice, the manager never would have hired them and therefore doesn't recognize the skills and experience of that employee.

Not only do words affect the people we are speaking to or about, but they also shape people's perceptions of us. After reading this article's first part, what opinions have you already shaped about this leader?

What value did those words provide to anyone in those moments? What purpose did they have?

This is where the THINK Acronym applies in a big way. It doesn't matter what position you hold in an organization, simply being a human makes THINK relevant to your daily life:

T - TRUE: Is what you're saying true? Like for sure? Have you fact-checked/validated and removed any emotion/bias from your statement?

H - HELPFUL: Are your words helpful? Do they help make better decisions or contribute to the conversation in a healthy or productive way?

I - INSPIRING: Does it serve to inspire or influence others positively?

N - Necessary: Do your words need to be said? Do they serve a purpose? Useless words are annoying and hurtful words are entirely unnecessary and just mean.

K - KIND: What is your motivation for communicating? Is what you have to say kind? There is a difference between "nice" and "kind". Nice is doing something pleasing or agreeable, whereas being kind is being helpful or benevolent.

Words matter. Especially as a leader. Words have the power to shape the thoughts and feelings of the people we say them to, but they also have the power to shape our thoughts and feelings. Those thoughts and feelings can shape the physical structure and pathways of our brains. Not only do they change the physical structure and neural pathways of our brains, but also impacts and molds the energy we emanate to people and our environment (or in this case - a workplace), and out into the world.

Think about the best leaders/coworkers you've ever had, or your favourite people in this world. The people you respond to, want to be around and make you want to be at your best.

Do they use unnecessary or negative language that is unhelpful? Do you walk away feeling drained, bad about yourself, and frustrated?

I didn't think so...

Our favourite people generally tend to be those people that are likely to follow the THINK principle whether they intend to or not.

Words matter. Choose yours carefully.