When things get "sticky".

It occurred to me the other day, that I am very "sticky". Not in the uncomfortable, oppositional, tricky sort of way, but that other people's behaviours and attitudes often tend to "stick" to me even when I try to be very mindful of such situations.

Maybe you've experienced being sticky at times. Maybe starting a new job? Those times when people are trying to prove themselves to each other and that usual calm and collected demeanor you hold starts to morph into something different and suddenly you find yourself acting in ways that are completely unlike you...

• Everything valuable has already been said, and the points have been covered, but everyone keeps talking and reinforcing each other, so maybe I should do the same? Or reiterate? Or say something intelligent right now so my coworkers/leaders don't think I'm disengaged, or I don't care?

• My coworker keeps sending articles and tools and theories that they use in their work to demonstrate what they're working on. Should I start doing the same to demonstrate my competencies too?

• Everyone else replied all to that email saying they agree... does that mean I have to as well?

• I showed up to work feeling great, but the second I talked to Debbie Downer, my whole day now feels completely clouded in grey.. what gives?

It's not unusual to experience this in a new job where people don't know you, don't trust you and everyone is still trying to figure each other out, but it sort of leaves that icky feeling of trying to be seen or trying to prove your value that is not inline with your usual self.

Maybe you're not new to the organization, but you're found yourself in a culture of over-explaining, over communicating, and well, probably over judging leaving you insecure and unsure.

Maybe you've found yourself with a new leader who is still figuring things out, but that means talkative Ted is getting all the airtime and is quickly becoming your new bosses go-to.

The worst part is that as you find yourself getting "sticky" and you're feeling the pull to follow suit rather than remaining true to your own values and demeanour, you start questioning yourself even more and become even more sticky. What the actual...? Now all you can think about is going home to shower all the ick off with all the self deprecating thoughts running through your head...

• Why did I say that? Ugh.

• Omg, I must look so desperate.

• She's going to think I'm a total moron now.

• Ew, now I look like a brown-noser. Gah!

Cool your jets, it's all good. This happens to the best of us. How do we go from sticky to smoooooooth like butter? Great question, but not for the faint of heart:

1. What insecurities is this situation/person bringing up for you?

2. Write that shit down.

3. Now ask yourself, what did I do well today?

4. And then ask yourself, what value do I bring in this situation/job/workplace, etc?

5. Finally, how will you refocus your efforts to do what you do best?

Self reflection is always challenging and always easier said than done, but if you can't remember anything else from this article, remember that everyone has their own unique strengths and value they bring to the table and the world needs one of everyone to keep things in balance. If everyone was an expert, who would ask the questions? If everyone was an amazing leader, who would actually get the work done? If everyone was a diplomat, who would make the decisions?

If you don't bring your strengths and experiences to the table, who will?